I Was a Time Bomb Ready to Go Off

I was raised on a small farm in Northwest Michigan. As a child growing up on a farm, I learned a lot of different skills that would help me find jobs as an adult. I had three brothers and was the middle child. When I turned five and started school, there were lots of kids that would pick on me and start fights with me. So my grade school years were spent in withdrawal. At home I was the black sheep of the family. Although I would work very hard on the farm and different people would comment on how good a worker I was, I still grew up thinking no one loved me.

In high school I was the bully. At the age of 15 I prayed the sinners prayer, but my life just kept going on in a rebellious state. I was out of control. My brothers told me that I would end up in jail and half way through my senior year in high school, I spent 30 days in the county jail for transporting dynamite without a permit. While in jail I started to read the Bible, but I wasn’t understanding anything I was reading and put it down. When I came out of jail, I was worse off than when I went in.

I met Karen after I was released from jail and we hit it off real well. We married and lived with her parents for two years. I lost all my trust in Karen when I caught her with another man at a wedding reception. We stayed together and had two children. These children were the love of my life and were the only reason I stayed with my wife.

I became mentally abusive to Karen. I caught her with several of my friends at different times and I was a time bomb ready to go off. Because of my rebelliousness, my lack of seeking God and my hatred I eventually killed her. Again in the same county jail I turned to God. This time I was really sincere and have been seeking the Lord ever since. I feel better about myself in prison than I did on the outside without God. I know what it means to really love other people. I love my parents with a love that I never knew before.

God has been working in me to rid me of all the sinful things that I had picked up in my 39 years of rebelliousness. The day after I truly put my trust in God, 8 years ago, I quit swearing and my sins are being cleansed away.

When I became a new child of God, it took me time to get a good understanding of the Scriptures; but I didn’t give up on the Word, and understanding did come. I now thank the Lord for not turning his back on me.

Larry — Originally published in September 2001