No Longer Self Reliant

I used to think that I can do it on my own. I did not need anyone. I knew of God, but I did not know God. I always thought, I don’t need God’s help. I am just fine. This was my way of thinking for the majority of my life. I was a loner. I did things the way I wanted to. I lived for my self satisfaction. I lived for my flesh, and I lived for the ways of the world.

God blessed me with a beautiful family, a successful job, and the meeting of needs. Yet, I gave Him credit for nothing….I did it on my own. Pride ruled my life. I was traveling the wide path that is stated in the Bible. The narrow path did nothing for me and I wanted no part of it. I always sensed something missing from my life. I did not know what it was.

In May 1996, God said enough is enough. I was leading into self destruction. I was arrested and placed in a jail cell. I lost every blessing God had given me. I felt alone. I had no one. Still I thought everything would be okay. After all, I always turned negative situations into positive ones. I will be okay, I thought, I can handle it. I was sentenced to prison in July 1996. Still no change in my way of thinking.

I attended a service sponsored by the Gideons, in prison, on July 23rd. It was at this time I experienced the feeling of a void in my heart. I said the sinner’s prayer. I could sense my heart being filled with joy. For the first time in my life I invited God to be a part of my life. I no longer felt alone. I realized God was waiting for the forty plus years of my life to invite Him into my life. I felt complete as I was filled with God’s joy, mercy, and love.

Following that day, I started reading the Bible and taking time to read it, meditate on it, and listen to what God is saying. I continued to have struggles. Yet, instead of dealing with them on my own, I placed them in the hands of God. Wow! What a difference it meant!

While in prison God introduced me to amazing Christian organizations and people, too many to mention here, although several remain active in my life till this day. I was released from prison on August 23, 2009 after serving thirteen years. Thirteen years which saw a complete turn around in my way of thinking…I was now traveling the narrow path, not the wide path.

Mark and Teresa were two of the first Christians I met after being saved. They have been such a blessing to my life. They are always there with encouragement, support, and prayers. Unlike numerous people in my life, they have never turned their backs on me. Their letters always mean a great deal to me…like I know it does to the numerous other inmates they write to. God knew who to share with me…He gave me Mark and Teresa and I thank Him daily for them.

God also introduced me to Alpha Prison Ministries through a Bible study. Here I meant an amazing volunteer (Elroy) who continues to help me and encourage me to this day. In addition, God provided me housing within the Alpha ministry program where I am surrounded by sound Christian fellowship, support, and study.

I no longer feel I can do things on my own. I no longer feel I need no one. Pride, the flesh, and the ways of the world no longer control my life. I strive to bring God glory in all I do. I am far from perfect. But, I now have God in my life. I give Him praise for blessing me with the people and organizations He knows I need in my life. I thank God for never giving up on me. For if He did, I would not be here today sharing this with you.

I no longer belong to the ways of the world…I am a child of God and I travel the narrow path. What a peaceful and wonderful feeling. What an awesome, merciful, and loving Heavenly Father God we share. Without Him, we are nothing and we can do nothing!

Jim — Originally published in January 2010